What we are listening to....

Camper Van Beethoven!

What are you listening to?

For this I am Grateful......

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"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."

Woody Allen

Paint!

Go sit outside! Paint! We like to give the kids a couple of cans of paint and let them loose. It is amazing what they come up with.

[slideshow]

Every artist had a beginning, what is yours?

Night Lights

Dark but not

blackness.

Dancing, twinkling

guiding,

I know they are there,

the night lights.

Why did we

obliterate them?

Exchange them?

I know they are there,

I feel them.

Dreams are made

in the Cosmos.

The dark of night

illuminated

with gems.

Dancing, twinkling

guiding

night lights.

Dark used to be

darker.

Night used to be

blacker.

Or were the stars

brighter?

Out there

somewhere

is the dark,

complete with the

illuminating Cosmos.

Ready to guide,

to teach,

and inspire.

Turn off the lights!

Turn off the lights!

IISA Makes his first Banana Bread!

IISA got up at around seven AM and started mashing bananas. ¨This is for you!¨ he said with his sparkling blue eyes.
¨Did you take care of your bed?¨ asks Dad.
¨Yes¨
¨Then you can make what you want.¨

So he did. Mashed banana , sugar, milk and egg. Zeda helped by the addition of flour. Recipe? IIsa  just knows!

Into the oven it went. One hour, 350 degrees. Out came a very nice banana bread. Not too sweet either.

He and his siblings enjoyed it the entire day.

Never can tell what they will do next.

Summer's lesson

My parents are in their eighties. They were fairly active thru their seventies. Then my Dad, the healthiest of the two began to decline much faster than anyone would have thought.

My Dad was a NYC Firefighter in the sixties, seventies and eighties.( Engine 82 & Ladder 31 among others ) A real hero. But Dad did not like ,or trust, doctors or dentists. Mainly because of  the lack of economic compassion . He let his teeth go and ended up with many small seizures or strokes. All added up to limited walking and an Alzheimer kind of thinking. Thoughts in his head but can't make the words come out right.

Last month,(June 2010) Mom broke her hip. I live 1300 miles from them and my brothers. I was the last to find out the situation. When I did my family, all eight of us, decided that this was the time to go help Mom and Dad. Not an easy decision. Besides all the goings on of life, my Mom had been quite vicious to us in the past, with the help/complicity of my siblings she was allowed her version of truth unquestioned. Regardless, through the years we made constant efforts so the children would know their grandparents. We seemed to achieve a relative peace.

Upon our arrival, I found my father in a condition of neglect. Disheveled, unkempt hair and nails and unwashed. This is what my brothers called allowing Dad his 'autonomy'. I was amazed that anyone could let him stay in this condition. Within a day we had him trimmed and washed and cleaned up. His spirit was visably regenerated. Every time I saw a need in his personal hygiene I asked him first and then helped him in accomplishing the task. Some how my brothers mixed up the ideas of autonomy with neglect. My mother still in the hospital, my brothers had been sharing the duties of my Dad. And yet they fought the idea of my returning home to help out. "We don't want Dad confused" and "The kids will be too much" were some of their concerns. My brothers have children too but mine were regarded differently. Justly so, I guess. I talked to my children about their DA, about how they can and should help and how the interactions of myself and my brothers affect decisions in our life. My brothers thought this information classified,"not for children".


From the moment we showed up Dad knew who we were. In fact , the first thing he said to me was "What took you so long!". Pop even recognized my husband. The kids love their DA and would sit with him and be his aide as much as kids can.

My husband left after a week to return to his job. We knew that this could be a long term arrangement but my father is my husband's friend . This is what we want for ourselves and others; love, encouragement, help, and friendship. I was alone in a crowd.

My Dad is probably the most important figure in my life. He is who I measure others by. His influence colors much of how I see the world. To see him dismissed in conversation while in the same room by my brothers was devastating. All I could think was 'how did we grow up in the same house'.  They would treat him like a child or neglect him in the name of autonomy. When I was 'caught' getting him into bed so he would not be on the edge I was scolded. "WE don't PUT him to bed"  and when I explained he was on the edge I was again given the complete autonomy rule.  Safety and comfort was not in the plan though because until we arrived (July) the air conditioners had not been installed! We installed the downstairs and basement machines. My brothers did Dad's room at this impetus, complete with extension cord coiled next to Pop's bedside! My bedtime routine became simple. Since I was the care-giver for Dad during the day, as well as my own kids, I let my fifteen year old son stay up with Pop till bedtime. Some nights he went early some late, my son just had to be there 'in case'. I was in the next room if needed. However, even this was to be disparaged by my siblings as not good enough. Autonomy be DAMMED!


I was truly amazed at how well Pop could still get around and converse even when his mouth would not cooperate. He looked great with his daily grooming. He would let me shave him every other day. Wash him everyday and even had a rinse for his mouth. He had pains in his legs that with a homeopathic cream disappeared. He seemed to enjoy being clean, who doesn't?  Pop would doze as I washed his face with rose water. His diet was varied and I had a hard time keeping the treats he liked in the house. He has a voracious appetite! He can almost run around the house, even though walkers are made for floors Pop can manipulate them for grass.

Finally it came time for Mom to come home. That's where it ends. My mom could not bear the thought of  me and my kids in her home for anything more than a visit. Her house, her things could not be changed or moved. This was inevitable with me in the house (not leaving ).Even so much as moving the TV so Pop didn't have to negotiate a second set of stairs. She was coming home to a full time job, my Dad, she could not do. She was limited in her mobility due to to her hip and no one but me had offered to move in to help. She said no. I tried to explain that if I did not stay a paid care giver would be needed. That they may only qualify for a very small amount of time. This was her decision and not so remarkably the boys did not interfere.

I explained that a return trip, if needed, would not be possible in my financial circumstances. My husband, while angry about leaving his friend without his daughter, said that we knew Mom would be the biggest advocate or obstacle. So, I informed the children that we would be going home. And amazingly enough ,only at the end of  a month there did I find that two of my five brothers were in favor of my staying, they couldn't help enough because of their own family situations. Failing health, autism and in-laws all being factors. But it is and was Mom's decision.

I've been back for a while now. My anger is now more pity and sadness. I send pictures and call Mom. Dad can't talk on the phone. But I get to say I love him. Mom sounds tired and I am sure she  is. What I can do is learn to not worry about the things in my life but the people. My home is where people care about me and for me. The Qur'an says that sometimes the thing that we dislike  most is the thing that is best for you. Mom isn't sure she believes in God. I Do.

Carnival of Chaos 2011!

Happy New Year 2011! Welcome to the Carnival of Chaos where everyone is welcome.

For this edition submissions were few. The spam box was full and needed to be emptied regularly. As daunting as this chore is , most things start small and the weeds need to be picked.

[caption id="attachment_475" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="The Path Not Taken"][/caption]

 

For myself , this new year will be a year of calm and acceptance. I will teach myself that not all messes are to be cleaned up by me and not all clutter is bad! I have to remember that anyone with six kids at home ALL THE TIME will have clutter!

[caption id="attachment_477" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="six! count 'em!"][/caption]

 

And now to our Carnies!!

 

 



Welcome to the January 4, 2011 edition of carnival of chaos.

Read

Charles Chua C K presents Be Smart Be Knowledgeable posted at All About Living with Life We all need an admonition from time to time. Mr.Chua reminds us to be lifelong learners.





Danette M. Schott presents Help! S-O-S for Parents | Parental Involvement—the Cure for the Summer Slump! posted at Help! S-O-S for ParentsWhile it is not summer, I'm sure the Holidays can use these tips!

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Pascale Michelon presents The Top Brain Book Collection for Educators and Learners | SharpBrains posted at SharpBrains. Take a look! These are fun and sure to keep you active.





That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of carnival of chaos using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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Kill your T.V.! And your Video Game System Too!! ( Or Take Back Your Child)

• Lately, my husband and I have been watching TV on the internet. We generally reserve our computer for other tasks and an occasional " treat" of Gilligan's Island for the kids. But  as I like to put it, 'sometimes I don't want to think'.  TV achieves this. We do not have the big black box in our home. Not two ,not one. I don't miss TV and I hate ads. This has unfortunately become part of internet TV as well.



• 

  Is the TV holding you hostage?

  As part of the TV generation of the 70's, I cringe when I see the current selection of "entertainment". The vast array of nothingness is packaged so as to appear as something. I do remember my DAD saying something similar about the shows we watched. Maybe I am getting old..... or maybe he was right! It does seem though that the menu is filled with shows about violence in one form or another. Everybody is fighting . "Cupcake Wars" ,"Hell's Kitchen", "Big Brother', "Bachelorette" whether you want to cook cupcakes, run the kitchen, or meet Mr. Right you need to fight for it. Is this who we are? Is competition so fierce in the cupcake industry? Or did some corporate shill know that if he put a pot of gold in front of us he could conjure up the most duplicitous and obnoxious behavior? Not only was this shill right but there are those of us ready to show this behavior to the world.To say nothing of all the shows about crime, CSI( 3 versions), Criminal Minds, 48 Hours Mystery and more. All find the criminal due to the wonderful police force. Not the same police that beat down protestors or racially profile or help convict the wrong person.


• This is not what I want my children, or myself, watching. We, like it or not, become calloused to such behavior when we see it repeatedly. In the programs this behavior is rewarded, so what's the message to our brain? There are studies that the brain activity is different when watching a documentary.  There are subliminal messages in the shows that can 'help' us become better consumers. And then of course, there are commercials that tell us who we SHOULD be and How to get there. If we buy enough we will be HAPPY!




• What really concerns me is the content of video "games". They are nothing more than virtual murder/rapist training camps! This is not play and to even think that it is would be to convince yourself that the Earth is flat. Why would anyone put this virus in their home let alone the hands of their children?!?! I do not want my family to be numb to violence, oppression,or immorality.


• 
  

  After recent Pentagon research revealed that the desire and intention to enlist is highest among younger recruits (six in ten current US soldiers entered the military as teenagers),1, 2, 3 a level of subtlety, or rather subterfuge has been employed to guide teens toward recruiter offices. As one example of the many available: the US Army sponsors a website labeled “eCybermission.” It offers “web-based science, math, and technology competition” for 11, 12 , and 13 year olds, and the services of on-line uniformed Army personnel “CyberGuides.”4
  
  Since 2002 the Pentagon has developed a massive teen data base gleaned from sources, including records obtained via the “No Child Left Behind Act.” That information is filed in JAMRS, the “Joint Advertising and Marketing Research & Studies” system – a giant Pentagon run, privately subcontracted (Equifax) database containing contact and identification data on over thirty million 16-25 year olds.5

  
  


• Personally, I don't even watch the commercials. It is not something I want in my head. That said, I am one of the 1 in 10 that watched the Wiki-leaks Video of the killing of children in Iraq. This is real. It is reality that has REAL consequences. Why not set you and your family down and watch the real thing?  Because we, as parents, shield our children from the hard facts of life until they can understand them better. So when I read of parents that allow unrestricted TV or video games, I cringe at the human they are producing. Even Disney does not produce a show without the ability to market all aspects of it to your child. They are in your house , they are part of your life.

• CHILDREN


• Approximate number of studies examining TV's effects on children: 4,000
  
  [caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Who's Raising Your Child?"][/caption]


• Number of minutes per week that parents spend in meaningful


• conversation with their children: 3.5


• Number of minutes per week that the average child watches television: 1,680


• Percentage of day care centers that use TV during a typical day: 70


• Percentage of parents who would like to limit their children's TV watching: 73


• Percentage of 4-6 year-olds who, when asked to choose between watching TV


• and spending time with their fathers, preferred television: 54


• Hours per year the average American youth spends in school: 900 hours


• Hours per year the average American youth watches television: 1500

VIOLENCE

Number of murders seen on TV by the time an average child finishes elementary school: 8,000

Number of violent acts seen on TV by age 18: 200,000

Percentage of Americans who believe TV violence helps precipitate real life mayhem: 79

Millions of Americans are so hooked on television that they fit the criteria for substance abuse as defined in the official psychiatric manual, according to Rutgers University psychologist and TV-Free America board member Robert Kubey. Heavy TV viewers exhibit five dependency symptoms--two more than necessary to arrive at a clinical diagnosis of substance abuse. These include: 1) using TV as a sedative; 2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling miserable when kept from watching.

"We can now say with utmost confidence that regardless of research method -- that is experimental, correlational, or longitudinal -- and regardless of the cultures tested in this study [East and West], you get the same effects," said Anderson, who is also director of Iowa State's Center for the Study of Violence. "And the effects are that exposure to violent video games increases the likelihood of aggressive behavior in both short-term and long-term contexts. Such exposure also increases aggressive thinking and aggressive affect, and decreases prosocial behavior."

I don't think we decided to take our children out of the mainstream public education to hand them over to corporate strangers to educate and raise. But this is what unrestricted viewing is. So are you going to let a shadow raise your children? Plan what they see. Control your eyes, control your reality. To truly think outside the BOX turn the Box OFF! Better yet, throw it out.

I Hate T.V.!

 We have no T.V. at home. I like this situation. No jingles are in the kid's head, they don't sit and stare at a Magic  Box that tells them how to look , think,and feel. In the average house ,by 18 months old,  the child can identify about 20 brand name items (probably more)!

We recently visited my parents who have a large T.V. in the center of the house. The place of honor is where everyone sits to visit. The big blank face pervades the room. While  my Dad watches it he sleeps. But my little darlings couldn't tear themselves from it. I think it called to them. It was a constant mantra "turn it off " " go out " , anything. I would unplug and take out the cable card but you can't fool the older ones.

Fourteen year olds are savvy and can find anything or fix anything. They also know when I'm in bed all  is well with the world. WATCH!  They don't watch porn but I remain opposed to the entire thing. It alters our outlook to a fantasy of impossible expectations. It is a world of violence that has no consequences and a onesided view of the planet that is hard to overcome even when one WANTS to. Kicking the TV habit is freeing both for the mind and body. And here I was sitting with the Devil again.

I managed TV free days. Beach and hiking helped. But I am happy to get back where there is no monster. I like seeing the kids read and play. I know their minds are active and free of false impressions presented as reality.  I HATE T.V.!